One Day at a Time: Moment of Weakness

“When life hits you out of nowhere, barely leaves you holding on. . .” Due to excruciating pain in the lower portion of my mouth, all four wisdom teeth required extraction. I decided to schedule such a procedure prior to vacation in order to prevent such pain to follow along a two-week adventure with the family.

Post procedure, I followed every instruction precisely in hopes to be back to normal and ready for vacation (3 days post-op). I had a fantastic crew of nurses answering each request written on a communication notepad. Swelling increased, ability to eat decreased, talking agitated the site, smiling was out of the question and pain killers depleted energy. I can understand two days of this, but it did not end.

“When you’re tired of fighting. . .” Tired may be minimizing such a time as this. I was exhausted. My body fought for physical healing; yet, another battle arose with greater power. Emotionally, I broke down hour by hour. I never would have imagined a minor procedure could be used to manipulate, trigger, destroy and defeat. The enemy is conniving, stealer of joy, killer of progress and evil beyond description. Amongst the storm, the enemy hit me out of nowhere. . .

Inability to smile brought sadness

Being stared at in public due to swelling/bruising brought insecurity

Eating patterns (or lack thereof) brought weakness

Pain brought frustration

Inability to continue normal activity brought anger

The enemy came in, grabbed opportunity and began destruction of spirit. One thought at a time, the enemy used such a time to kill any progress. My feet began to falter, veering toward an old beaten path of the past. I never would have imagined a minor procedure could trigger old behaviors/thoughts to become louder than Truth. My eating disorder wanted so badly to fight for me and numb all this physical imbalance and calm a temporary storm.

“When you’re on your knees and answers seems so far away. . .just be held.” Thankfully, the Holy Spirit spoke louder, clearer and bolder. I prayed, prayed, prayed and prayed some more through ever searing pain, every moment of weakness and every tear that fell. The emotions ran rampant as each day passed. There were days I lost the battle completely; but, God never left my side. God continued to fight, used each family member as a vessel to speak Truth into my fogged thoughts and offered patience throughout. God never quit even when I did.

With addictions, you never know what storm in life could trigger/entice thoughts to seek old patterns. Recovery is a journey filled with ups and downs. Each day presents differently, providing recognition of various triggers which to prepare and stand guard. Placing the full armor of God protects from such triggers. I failed throughout this time to put in place the pieces of armor and the enemy attacked hard. Thankfully, my prayer warriors fought for me and God moved in mighty ways to carry me through.

A setback in recovery? Nope, just a time of strengthening, growing and learning. Thank you God for not giving up on me, shifting my feet back on the path leading to You and being louder than the enemy. Thank you God for recovery, patience, love, peace and joy.

I am better than blessed. . .