Some Days. . .

I look at a picture taken on a beautiful day full of joyous memories.  The images seen hold the memory captive, tear it apart and leave misery in my thoughts.  My hair imperfect.  My legs unattractive.  My stomach protruding.  My outfit failing to make the fashion magazine. 

I wake up energized, ready to face another day.  One hour into the day, thoughts build fear to face the hours ahead.  Negativity toward self declares control for today.  My life undesired.  My body unhealthy.  My opinions worthless.  My presence an annoyance.

I look in the mirror to reveal a stranger.  My eyes distort the truth.  No amount of correction will help enhance my vision.  My body misshaped.  My face blemished.  My skin aged.  My purpose unknown.

Every.  Single.  Day.

Currently, the above scenarios occur far and few between.  Some days feel as though misery will never end.  Some days feel like no progress gained in recovery.  Some days. . .

To spend a day in my mind would bring exhaustion to any individual.  By the time I leave for work, I have already combated about 50-100 lies.  The enemy knows just how to kill the joy of any day. 

I am not where I need to be BUT thankfully, I am progressing in the right direction.  I still combat negativity.  I still default to food for dealing with emotion.  I still increase in anxiety when hunger strikes, parties revolve around food, in social settings and when routine ceases to exist.  BUT, I am making it one day at a time. 

I know full well that God fights the enemy, defeats the enemy and provides peace.  I feel that peace every single day.  I must choose God over food for comfort.  I must choose God over isolation due to fear.  I must choose God over desire to please flesh temporarily.  I must replace every negative thought with Truth.  Sounds easy, right?  It is when life goes smoothly.  It is not when life stirs storms around every corner. 

I don’t desire sympathy or even empathy.  I desire understanding, love and acceptance.  Sometimes, I just want a hug so tight that all the negativity squeezes out never to return.  Sometimes, I just want to talk about positive and lovely things over a cup of coffee.  Sometimes, I just want to laugh, relax and enjoy the moment. 

Awareness: knowledge or perception of a situation or fact. 

I strive to bring awareness to others about the severity of an eating disorder.  It is serious.  It is deadly.  It affects more than imagined.  It comes on strong and holds on tightly.  It is not always about weight.  It cannot survive in the light!  It cannot survive in love.  It cannot survive in Truth. 

This week is Eating Disorder Awareness week.  Let’s work together to build one another up, love, accept and help any suffering.  It is not a simple fix of “just eating” or “avoiding foods that trigger a binge” or “just stopping a behavior”.  It is so much more and much deeper than the behaviors seen by others.  The behaviors are used to numb and cover up the underlying pain, sorrow and brokenness.  The behaviors are the only coping mechanism sufferers know when processing life.  Sufferers need a hand to guide in the direction of safe coping.  Sufferers need you to help sharpen their eyesight to see a way out.  Sufferers need to realize Who will heal the underlying reason for outwardly behaviors. . . 

   

Day ONE!  Could you recognize the signs of one suffering with an eating disorder?

Live life. . .One Day at a time! 

Sheree Craig