What can I do to
help? How can I ease any pain? Is my loved one going to die? Why does this disease have such a tight grip?
Great questions when an
eating disorder becomes exposed. The
same questions run through the minds of a sufferer. Being trapped for years, the individual has
no clue how to answer the above questions.
Help arrives through a
hug filled with acceptance. Help appears
in a conversation expressing love.
Help with a listening
ear.
Ease pain by allowing
the individual to process through recovery.
Ease pain by accepting the reality of the disease.
Ease pain with a
listening ear.
Due to the tight grip
of an eating disorder, death can occur.
The physical damage may be permanent.
No guarantee exists for the individual to reach physical wellness. But, emotional healing is possible. The individual can reach peace by destroying
the power of an eating disorder. The
individual can learn new coping mechanisms to remain in peace even when the
toughest of storms hit, including physical ailments resulting from years of
malnutrition. Healing is possible.
I read an article mentioning
words that could feed an eating disorder (no pun intended). You do not need to walk on eggshells around an
individual; but, there are times to bite your tongue and hold your
opinions. I will share a few with you
and add some of my own that I have experienced. . .
“Oh wow, you ate (a lot/a little) today.” This one should be an obvious one, but it may
slip out from a heart concerned with the amount of food ingested by one in
recovery. Save your breath on this
one. I promise that the individual is
fully aware of the amount of food eaten that day. Instead, maybe commend them on making it
through another day in recovery. The
amount of food was not equivalent to set meal plan; but, the individual may
have overcome the greatest battle within that day.
“I wish I could eat like you.” Eating disorders are not something to be
desired. The individual does not like
the food quantity chosen daily. Emotion
drives eating, not the mere need for nutrients; therefore, the quantity
ingested reflects the emotional battle taking place inside. Instead, avoid any talk about quantity of
food ingested by you or them.
“You look so healthy now that you are eating.” Sounds like a compliment, right? This enrages the eating disorder. The eating disorder realizes it is losing and
fights back hard! Instead, maybe focus
on celebrating the person by spending time just hanging out with them. Show them you love them for who they are on the
inside and the outside matters none.
“Just eat something.”
NOT THAT SIMPLE. If it were,
recovery would take days and struggles would never return. The individual typically enjoys food, but
guilt overwhelms after eating due to feeling unworthy of nutrition. The unworthy feeling stems from a variety of
places (depending on the past experiences).
Instead, help the individual discover new foods and allow them to share
the struggles after eating that item. Be
a listening ear to help process the new life the individual is striving toward.
It is not about
food. It is not about you. It is not even about the person. Eating disorders become a coping mechanism
learned to heal incoming emotions.
Eating disorders numb pain.
Eating disorders provide an escape.
Eating disorders create a hiding place.
I love to be
invincible. If unseen, I cannot be
rejected, hurt, criticized or discovered.
Being thin helped me feel hidden.
Restricting food helped me find control in something when chaos consumed
every day. The excessive exercise purged
emotions I refused to feel. Avoiding
social settings and running for relationships kept me safe from any more
rejection.
I loved my eating
disorder more than life itself. I
realize my eating disorder is the one coping mechanism that kept me surviving
the storms of life. Was it a healthy
mechanism? Of course NOT; but, it was my
choice for survival. Thankfully, I
realize it cannot be my choice for survival now. Over the years of recovery, I moved from
survival mode to just living each day in joy and peace. We are not here to survive. We are here to live with purpose.
You have a
purpose. You matter in this life. You are needed here.
Thank you for choosing to wake up and live
today!
Day THREE! Can you provide a listening ear?
Live life. . .One Day at a
time!
Sheree Craig
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